May 19, 1964, Tuesday. Dave snubbed me again.

Went to gym detention (for wearing bikini under my clothes.) We did exercises for an hour. Came home and laid in the sun. Got ready, went to my Saffron Meeting, it was at Sandy Block’s house. Talked about our Saffron party that will be at Marilyn’s house. Went to Fosters. All the guys at the beach were there, even Doug, I almost died. Dave gave me his Senior picture, It’s so TOUGH! But, he’s much cuter in person. We had a smoke-out in his car. I thought I would die from breathing too much smoke. Dave was in a terrible mood. Talked to Jerry, he told me Dave really liked me, but he’s moody. I can’t stand it much longer.

 Maybe he had a lot on his mind and is under a lot of stress,  or he’s just not that into me and is trying to give me a hint that he wants to break up.

 Maybe he see’s things in me he overlooked in the past. The small things that he once found quaint and charming now get on his nerves and under his skin.

No matter what he was emotionally unavailable and pushed me away.

 If he wasn’t so darn cute, I’d have no problem walking away, but I didn’t want to be alone again, especially since Howard had another girlfriend to throw in my face.  I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop and walking on eggs.

This is what a smoke-out was like.  The window’s were rolled up and everyone smoked until someone couldn’t take it any longer and opened the window for air.  That would be me. We often all rolled out of the car coughing, laughing with our eyes red and watering.  We thought it was so much fun!!!